don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
