you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
