He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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