who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
