This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
