did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
