How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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