u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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