the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
