this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize