If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
