oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
