I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
