he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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