somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
