There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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