The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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