could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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