wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
