I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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