Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
