just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
