went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
