...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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