I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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