and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
