There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
