Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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