:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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