This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
