I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
