It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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