I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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