please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
