btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
