id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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