Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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