He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
