just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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