If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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