ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
