woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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