How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
