I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
