im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
