no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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