I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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