I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
