Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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