Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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