I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
