I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
