TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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