I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
