she looked like the before picture.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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