Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
