I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
