Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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