my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
