he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
