Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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