She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
should my penis look like a turkey
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
