FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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