Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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