dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
