I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
soo... how was my night?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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