my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
