I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize