ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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