it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
