the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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