Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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