Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She's the barista slut.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
