I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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