Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
