It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
