it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize