i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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