nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
