u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
