We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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