you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
